She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
