curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
