My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
