allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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