I hate your face
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
