Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
