where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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