I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
