My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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