I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
