My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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