Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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