i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
