My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
