so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
