I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
