just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
