I can't watch pbs sober anymore
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
