in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Operation Purity has been aborted
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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