Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
