I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
