Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
