u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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