It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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