I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
barbara walters just said penis...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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