last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
