the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
