just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
