its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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