meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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