can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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