the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
