addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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