I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
