How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He passed out mid-signature
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
