I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
