My first STD was from a foam party
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
