She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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