we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
