Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
jump out the window naked night went bad
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
