I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
