omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
