It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
