i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
