am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
