In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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