I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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