i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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