Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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