my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
