It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
