Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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